Sunday, March 30, 2008

Opening Day!


We believe the following poem is the most poignant metaphysical meditation on baseball since Field of Dreams. And although it has its share of metrical infelicities, at least it doesn't have Kevin Costner.

"On the Eternal Implications of America's National Pastime"

For me, the World Series of 1990
Had all the holy force of St. Paul's blinding.
O! the Lord did earn my infinite praise
When Cincinnati swept the Oakland A’s.
As I watched each game I was begging, kneeling,
clasping my hands and staring at the ceiling.
I promised God that, should the good guys win,
I’d lead a holy life, one free from sin.
An early homer clubbed by Eric Davis
Confirmed the gospel word that Jesus saved us;
His Resurrection was briefly in doubt
With runners on corners and no one out,
But God can lose no spiritual quibble
If His bullpen includes Robbie Dibble,
Who did much more than simply save two games—
He saved my soul from Hell’s fierce flames.

To cheer a losing club for nine long innings
Can kill your soul as sure as mortal sinning.
For Heaven’s sake, be careful who you choose—
Eternal damnation’s yours if they lose.
That deadliest of vices, Doubt, creeps in
When your team’s dead last and can’t buy a win.
The faith of fans is fragile: “Oh, why bother
To reconcile my soul with God the Father
When He and I could never get along:
His taste in teams is vile! His judgment, wrong!
It’s bad enough He lets a good man suffer—
But letting Boston blow a two-run buffer?!”
(So Billy Buckner lost the Catholic Church
With that famous, graceless, run-ceding lurch.)

It seems unfair that Peter turns his keys
For all those jerks who root for the Yankees;
Meanwhile, no Cubs fan’s passed through Heaven’s gate
Since, what, nineteen hundred and zero-eight?
But don’t question God’s justice or wisdom.
Just find a first-place team and root for them—
Until they start to stink. Your next move’s simple:
Go cast them out, like changers from the temple;
Profess your faith in who’s the new best squad,
Till one wins it all—and wins you for God!
The jealous, bound to law, won’t understand;
These Pharisees will spit, “fair-weather fan!”
But years from now, enjoying paradise,
You’ll thank me for my verses and advice.
(I’ll be wearing a hat beneath my halo,
Spitting seeds with Christ and Christopher Sabo.)

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Harry & Man at Yale

Does anyone else find this news a bit depressing?

Drawing on their expertise in theology, children’s literature, globalization studies and even the history of witchcraft, professors have been able to use Harry Potter to attract crowds of students eager to take on a disciplined study of the books.

We realize that nearly everyone but us has read the books, but does that mean a series written for children should be getting so much attention in universities? One can point out that C.S. Lewis’s children’s books get serious consideration, but Lewis wrote other works, too, and they articulated a clear philosophy that The Chronicles of Narnia illustrated. To my knowledge, Rowling's done no such thing.

Even if you don’t mind college students--including Ivy Leaguers!--studying Harry Potter, let's agree this comment is absurd: “What [Rowling's] really done is come up with a mode of captivating a whole generation...As an adult, you’ll be thinking, ‘What would Harry have done?’” WWHHD? I know people like to see Harry as a Christ figure, but that’s taking it a bit too far.

And by the way: if you’re an adult who aspires to act like a fictional adolescent wizard, seek professional help.

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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Trial of Veronese

In 1573, the painter Paolo Caliari (a native of Verona, and so more familiarly known as Paolo Veronese) was summoned before the Venetian office of the Inquisition. He had recently completed a depiction of the Last Supper in one of the city’s basilicas, and the Inquisitors wanted to know why he had filled his picture with such seemingly irreverent figures as dwarves, dogs, and a servant with a bloody nose.

Particularly suspicious were a number of figures who appeared German or Swiss, and thus were presumed to represent Protestants. Veronese addressed his interlocutors with great confidence, asserting that it was his privilege and duty as an artist to paint according to the precedence of artistic tradition, and the lights of his own talent. Eventually, he appeased the Inquisitors by simply changing the title of his work.

This little episode, when it is remembered now at all, usually takes its place in the tired modern narrative, as but another example of the Magisterium’s nefarious authority, exercised across two millennia for the exclusive purpose of suppressing every noble and civilizing impulse in the soul of Western man. From this perspective, it is a parallel to the more famous trial of Galileo, revealing the same spiritual despotism of the Church at work in the artistic, as well as the scientific, realm. The notion that any authority - most especially, a religious authority - can have a just capacity to place any limits on the creativity of the individual artist is almost universally regarded nowadays as an exploded myth from the dark days of superstitious tyranny, from which we and our enlightened predecessors have long been liberated. Cries of censorship and dictatorship accompany even the attempt to withhold public funding from the latest abomination on display at the Whitney or the BMA, so perfect is the contemporary belief in the inviolability of the artist's vision.

And yet, this absolute deregulation of the arts is less likely a sign of their liberation, than of their insignificance. The era of modern art began with the "art for art's sake" movement, whose proponents disclaimed any moral import in the work of art. Within less than half a century, the Spanish philosopher Ortega y Gasset could claim, “to the young generation, art is a thing of no consequence.” And of course, this is the obvious effect of the Decadent credo, for when art has been divested of any moral content, it has quite simply ceased to be of relevance to the lives of individuals or societies. On account of its irrelevance, the people grow increasingly indifferent towards it, and as the people grow indifferent towards it, their laws grow indifferent towards it. The negligence which modern jurisprudence displays towards the arts is not like the respectful restraint it shows towards property rights; it is like the insouciance it reveals towards the choice of baby names. No modern authority finds it necessary to regulate the arts, precisely because every modern authority is certain that none of its citizens takes the arts the least bit seriously.

But the Inquisitors at Veronese's trial did most certainly take the arts seriously; I would maintain that they took the arts far more seriously than the fine arts professors or gallery owners or non-profit directors, who are so loud in their proclamations of art's importance. They took the arts seriously, insomuch as they believed the arts had a significant influence over the opinions and behaviors of the people, and it is hard to see how anyone can share this conviction, without recognizing the need for some parameters - broad and informed, no doubt - to check the abuses of this potentially momentous influence. After all, it was not only the Church which exercised such an authority over art in past ages; Augustus exiled Ovid for the poet's licentious verses; Shakespeare composed under the gaze of Elizabeth's vigilant censors. And the fact remains, that great poets like Ovid and Shakespeare flourished in ages when such regulations were in place, and that since these regulations have been removed, we have had no such great poets. I think the reason for this is simply because those masters lived in ages which took the arts seriously, and we do not.

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Monday, March 24, 2008

We're in the News!

Well, not really...and not recently, either. We're only just now finding this early-2007 article from the National Catholic Register about "several literary efforts underway aimed at supporting existing Catholic writers and fostering new ones." The Southwell Institute gets plenty of attention. Here's the Godfather:

“Catholics have kind of let the arts go,” said Baer. “The culture has gone further secular, and is even inimical to what the writer of faith is up to. As Catholics, we’re supposed to be creating art.”

We're happy to see the coverage, but it's a shame the article doesn't mention The Mahwah Literary Review -- your one-stop shop for one year-old news!

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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Two Easter Sonnets

“Easter Communion,” by Gerard Manley Hopkins

Pure fasted faces draw unto this feast:
God comes all sweetness to your Lenten lips.
You striped in secret with breath-taking whips,
Those crooked rough-scored chequers may be pieced
To crosses meant for Jesu’s; you whom the East
With draught of thin and pursuant cold so nips
Breathe Easter now; you serged fellowships,
You vigil-keepers with low flames decreased,

God shall o’er-brim the measures you have spent
With oil of gladness, for sackcloth and frieze
And the ever-fretting shirt of punishment
Give myrrhy-threaded golden folds of ease.
Your scarce-sheathed bones are weary of being bent:
Lo, God shall strengthen all the feeble knees.

“Composed in One of the Valleys of Westmoreland, On Easter Sunday” by William Wordsworth

With each recurrence of this glorious morn
That saw the Saviour in his human frame
Rise from the dead, erewhile the Cottage-dame
Put on fresh raiment—till that hour unworn:
Domestic hands the home-bred wool had shorn,
And she who span it culled the daintiest fleece,
In thoughtful reverence to the Prince of Peace,
Whose temples bled beneath the platted thorn.
A blest estate when piety sublime
These humble props disdained not! O green dales!
Sad may I be who heard your sabbath chime
When Art’s abused inventions were unknown;
Kind Nature’s various wealth was all your own;
And benefits were weighed in Reason’s scales!

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Friday, March 21, 2008

Donaghy's Stations of the Cross

Last year we posted William Donaghy's sonnet series on the Stations of the Cross, originally published in a defunct Catholic journal called Spirit. Here they are again:

I. He Is Condemned

Pilate must heed the public pulse and poll,
As every politician quickly learns,
The multitude that smiles, as quickly spurns,
And so he shrugs his shoulders and his soul;
His fingers flutter in the brazen bowl;
The guilt is off his hands and head; he turns
To take the spotless towel; in him burns
A doubt; but Caesar's favour is his goal.

"Sub Pontio Pilato"--down the years
Before a man may truly live, reborn
Of water and the Holy Ghost, he hears
Caught in the Creed, those words of pitying scorn
For him whose heart was meagre, not malign,
Who used ironic water for a sign.

II. He Carries His Cross

No parable my heart so cruelly cleaves-
The Prodigal among the snorting hogs,
Nor Lazarus doctored by the kindly dogs,
The stranger beaten, stripped and bruised by thieves,
The thorn-torn Shepherd seeking, as he grieves,
Some lost sheep bleating in the briars and bogs-
Sadder to me than all these analogues,
The fruitless fig-tree stands with leathern leaves.

For this is all the kingly city 'gives,
A cursed fig-tree; and a tree of blood
Denuded, ribald, it no longer lives,
Bereft of branches, shorn of bark and bud;
And yet its roots are slumbering, vital still,
At Nagasaki, Tyburn, Auriesville.

III. He Falls

The crowd is thrilled to see a fighter downed,
Battered and bloody, sprawled upon the floor,
Like multitudinous surfs upon the shore
Its shout arises; so the sickening sound
Of splintering wood upon the flinty ground
Brings from this mob a swelling, bestial roar.
What though the fall renewed the wounds and tore
His flesh, and jarred His head so crudely crowned.

These worthy citizens are men of name,
Respectable, judicious, just, discreet;
I cannot bear to have them know my shame-
My brother dying in a public street-
And though I hear our mother's choking sob,
I turn and shout "My brothers!" to the mob.

IV. He Meets His Mother

This afternoon in loud Jerusalem
They meet and part once more; no touch nor kiss
Can ease their anguish; while the mockers hiss:
"And he's the fool who thought his streaming hem
Could cure the woman. See the two of them,
The son and wife of Joseph come to this."
Two hearts cry out-abyss unto abyss,
And Jesse's flower is cut from Jesse's stem.

Perhaps she thinks of Nain-of all the land
Where wonders blossomed as He walked three years;
Of Jairus, Lazarus, the withered hand,
Of flowing mercies and of drying tears;
And still she knows her bitter place and part,
He will not heal her withered, widowed heart.

V. Simon Helps Him

Poor Simon's back was aching, and his legs
Were weary from the kicking of the plough;
And he had many worries-for his sow
Was sick; his prize hen was not laying eggs;
His crops were far behind; and floating dregs
Had spoiled the profit on his vines; and now
As he is hurrying home with heavy brow,
The soldiers seize him, though he brawls and begs.

He burns the Romans with a look of hate,
Then lends his grudging rhews to this doomed Man,
He grasps the rough-hewn beam, but feels no weight,
Though he is straining, taking all he can.
And from the Stranger, down the cross's length
There flow to Simon peace and tranquil strength.

VI. Veronica's Veil

Stout Peter struck one blow with blundering aim,
But now his futile sword abandoned lies;
Tumultuous Thomas shakes his head and sighs,
Beset with doubts and fears, and sick with shame;
The whispering Boanerges mock their name;
But in this shrilling street where valor dies,
Veronica cleans His face and wipes His eyes
And shares forever Magdalen's fragrant fame.

That screaming mob is muted; drowned in blood,
The curse has fallen on those unbent heads;
And Peter's sword has melted into mud,
The Temple veil hangs sundered into shreds;
But still her tiny veil survives, unfurled,
A banner and a bandage for the world.

VII. He Falls Again

It is too much! His watery sinews yield,
He sags and slumps; the wavering cross goes down;
Gethsemane, the night, the lash, the crown-
Could one poor heart bear these,though triple-steeled?
The hard-faced Roman legionaries wield
Their whips to drive Him out beyond the town
Where Calvary rises bushless, burned and brown;
While Judas festers in the Potter's Field.

And still no one remembers; Pharisees
And Scribes are smiling as they watch Him squirm,
Befouled and scoffed at, beaten to His knees,
Exhausted, panting, weaker than a worm.
And Jeremiah's keenings fail and fade,
Isaiah is an echo and a shade.

VIII. He Meets the Women

Last Sunday all Jerusalem had cheered,
But now the hushed hosanna's ringing note
Has soured to snarling in each fickle throat,
And all His followers have disappeared
Except these wailing women, josted, jeered,
Unwavering still, like her who sought the groat
And loyal yet, while priests and people gloat-
This is a day of shame for brawn and beard.

Jerusalem, O town of stupid men,
These tears will be your testament; the Lamb
You slaughter will not guard your doorposts when
The tearless Titus sets his battering ram;
Because this Victim vainly dies alone
There shall not be a stone upon a stone.

IX. He Falls the Third Time

They leave the city now; the blood and sweat
Are caked upon Him; and the clustering flies
Are crawling on His blackened wounds; His thighs
Are veined with lire; and now His torturers fret
Lest He may die and thwart them even yet;
For while they watch He stumbles, falls and lies,
Then heaves and struggles weakly to arise
And looks toward Calvary's somber silhouette.

Upon this very road will Godfrey spur,
Leading his knights-a charge of flaming swords-
Against the foemen of the carpenter
Who is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords;
His strong voice hurling, like a catapult,
The thunder-breathing war-cry, "Deus vult."

X. He Is Stripped

Through rolling clouds no shaft of sunshine gleams,
A bitter breeze is stirring, sharp and chill,
The crowd sways in, blood-lusty for the kill,
Rough hands rip off the robe which has no seams,
And from reopened wounds the tired blood streams;
He stands among them, without word or will,
A shorn lamb, naked on this stunted hill,
While in the distance Tabor looms and dreams.

There was a man went down to Jericho-
See! parable is prophecy in part-
Here is the victim, scarred from head to toe,
Here are the thieves who have no heed nor heart;
Here are the proud who spurn a broken man,
Levite and priest-but no Samaritan.

XI. He Is Nailed to the Cross

This sound had echoed back in Nazareth,
The thudding hammer on the singing nails,
When Mary hastened off in flying veils,
With eyes like violets, and quickened breath,
Her Babe within her, to Elizabeth.
Now Mary winces, clenches hands, and pales,
Her dauntless spirit cringes, twists and quails,
And at each jolt she dies a double death.

The soldiers need not force Him for He lies
Patient beneath them; as the nails tear through,
His shining prayer is piercing inky skies,
"Forgive them; for they know not what they do."
And even now the arms which they transfix
Would guard them as a mother bird her chicks.

XlI. He Dies

The bleeding hours drag on; His drooping head
Sinks lower; and His parched and swollen lips
Can speak no longer; now a black eclipse
Extinguishes His eyes; the buzzards tread
The air above Him, waiting to be fed.
Once more He shifts on dislocated hips,
And cries aloud; His last vein bursts and drips-
He hangs upon His wooden monstrance, dead.
This is the triumph of the Sanhedrin,
To snare Him with its little traps and tricks,
To make Him scapegoat for all human sin
And build the first immortal crucifix.
Adoring ages, while the Scribes sneer,
Reply, "O Salutaris Ifostia."

XIII. He Is Taken From the Cross

Now you may have Him, Mary, they are done,
The shepherd stricken lies; His little flock
Had fled before the crowing of the cock;
Now Caiphas is happy; he has won;
He does not heed the frightened crowds that run,
Jerusalem is shaken; shock on shock
Upheave the temple sanctum, rive the rock;
Now you may have the Thing that was your Son.

He cannot hear you, darling, He is dead-
Come, now, and we will hide Him from their sight;
He cannot feel your kisses on His head-
See-Nicodemus waits no more for night.
Look-he and John and Joseph stand in grief
And look to you for refuge and relief.

XIV. He Is Buried

The mourners slowly bring Him through the gloom,
The valiant women, and three faithful men;
Her shoulders shaking, stormy Magdalen
Is weeping as in Simon's dining room;
But she who felt Him moving in her womb,
Who wrapped and laid Him in a manger then
Is still His handmaid, ready once again
To wrap Him up and lay Him in His tomb.

Once Delphi was the navel of the earth,
But now this sepulchre, which blackly yawns,
Becomes the point and center of all worth,
The focus of all sunsets and all dawns;
Within this cavern, could the world but see,
Mythology yields place to mystery.

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Saturday, March 15, 2008

In Defense of "The Loved One"

We recently came across Edmund Wilson’s review of Waugh’s The Loved One. Though Wilson liked Waugh’s early work (especially A Handful of Dust), he became annoyed with his more overtly religious work, including Brideshead Revisited. He wasn’t particularly impressed by Waugh’s send-up of California funeral homes and cemeteries, in part because he thought Waugh’s religious vision of death was just as laughable:

The Loved One is a farcical satire on those de luxe California cemeteries that attempt to render death less unpleasant by exploiting all the resources of landscape-gardening and Hollywood mummery. To the non-religious reader, however, the patrons and proprietors of Whispering Glades [the novel’s opulent funeral home] seem more sensible and less absurd than the priest-guided Evelyn Waugh. What the former are trying to do is, after all, merely gloss over physical death with smooth lawns and soothing rites; but for the Catholic, the fact of death is not to be faced at all: he is solaced with the fantasy of another world in which everyone who has died in the flesh is somehow supposed to be alive and in which it is supposed to be possible to help souls to advance themselves by buying candles to burn in churches. The trappings invented for this other world by imaginative believers in the Christian myth—since they need not meet the requirements of reality—beat anything concocted by Whispering Glades.

Obviously, there’s not enough space here to address the issue of whether Catholics—or anyone who believes in an afterlife—ignores “the fact of death,” etc. On a more basic level, Wilson’s criticism does not engage with what makes the people of Whispering Glades so ridiculous. It’s not only that they “gloss over physical death,” but that they try to project meaning onto death by appropriating religious language but divorcing it from God. Here’s the inscription on the gates of the cemetery:

Behold I dreamed a dream and I saw a New Earth sacred to HAPPINESS. There amid all that Nature and Art could offer to elevate the Soul of Man I saw the Happy Resting Place of Countless Loved Ones. And I saw the Waiting Ones who still stood on the brink of that narrow stream that now separated them from those who had gone before. Young and old, they were happy too. Happy in Beauty, Happy in the certain knowledge that their Loved Ones were very near, in Beauty and Happiness such as the earth cannot give.
I heard a voice say: ‘Do this.’
And behold I awoke and in the Light and Promise of my DREAM I made WHISPERING GLADES.
ENTER STRANGER and BE HAPPY.

The language, tone, and imagery are from Revelation. There’s even mention of a soul. But here, Heaven is a place on earth, and God isn’t there. Without Him, the Biblical language is all sound and fury. So it’s not just that the people at Whispering Glades are trying “to render death less unpleasant,” but that they’re trying to do so in religious terms without religious substance. Waugh’s central character clarifies this a bit later, when he speaks to his love interest (an employee at the Whispering Glades) about the home’s star embalmer, Mr. Joyboy: “Now your Mr. Joyboy is the incarnate spirit of Whispering Glades—the one mediating logos between Dr Kenworthy and common humanity.” The cult of the funeral home, although completely devoid of any Christian context, has developed its own trinity. As Ann Pasternak Slater says in her introduction to the Everyman edition, “The new religion is entirely secularized. It is a celebration of life alone.”

Waugh also critiques the celebration of life alone with Kaiser’s Stoneless Peaches, whose radio spots declare that “no other peach now marketed is perfect and completely stoneless. When you buy Kaiser’s Stoneless Peach you are buying full weight of succulent peach flesh and nothing else...” Pasternak Slater claims that this product symbolizes the eradication of “the little difficulties that give life its sharpness.” It does that, and more: without the seed inside of the pit, no part of the fruit endures; it is a physical presence with no meaning beyond itself, a human body without a soul.

The working stiffs at Whispering Glades share this superficial vision of life and death, and they promote it with equally vapid language--language from which they removed the core of religious meaning and relevance.

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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

“We Do Not Know What that One is With Whom (or with which) He is Now at One.”

We’re working on a long-ish post about death (Hey, it’s Lent!) for later in the week. In the meantime, here's Graham Greene's very funny parody of a New Age funeral in Brighton Rock. It speaks for itself—and for a lot of real-life clergy:

‘Our belief in heaven,’ the clergyman went on, ‘is not qualified by our disbelief in the old medieval hell. We believe,’ he said, glancing swiftly along the smooth polished slipway towards the New Art doors through which the coffin would be launched into the flames, ‘we believe that this our brother is already at one with the One.’ He stamped his words like little pats of butter with this personal mark. ‘He has attained unity. We do not know what that One is with whom (or with which) he is now at one. We do not retain the old medieval beliefs in glassy seas and golden crowns. Truth is beauty and there is more beauty for us, a truth-loving generation, in the certainty that our brother is at this moment reabsorbed in the universal spirit.’ He touched a little buzzer, the New Art doors opened, the flames flapped and the coffin slid smoothly down into the fiery sea. The doors closed, the nurse rose and made for the door, the clergyman smiled gently from behind the slipway, like a conjurer who has produced his nine hundred and fortieth rabbit without a hitch.

When Greene wrote that, in 1938, it may have been an exaggeration of shallow belief; it isn't now. We especially like that the clergyman strikes at the medieval beliefs for their absurdity and tries to replace them with modern certainty and truth--but he's uncertain what this truth actually is, who “that One is with whom (or with which) he is now at one.”

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Christopher Hitchens Finds God!

Last weekend, political pundit, literary critic, and evangelical atheist Christopher Hitchens announced that he now believes in God. Well, not quite, but he implied as much on Real Time with Bill Maher. During a typically slanted panel discussion about religion, the guests wondered why divorce rates for Evangelicals are so high. Hitchens explains (about 2.40 into this clip):

The reason for Evangelical hypocrisy is simple.…It's the same as Larry Craig. It's the Craig Factor. Those who condemn things mightily, and go on hammering the pulpit about them, have a secret share in the desire for them.

Hitchens, author of God is Not Great and editor of The Portable Atheist, condemns religion mightily, and hammers on the pulpit about it—so according to the Craig Factor, he must have a secret desire for religion! Good for him. We've taken issue with Hitchens in the past, but we'd like to be the first to congratulate him on his conversion.

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Sunday, March 02, 2008

Staging Shakespeare, Part II: The Good

The American Shakespeare Center offers a nice remedy to the ubiquitous performances of Fakespeare. Located in the heart of Shakespeare country (Staunton, VA—where else?) the company resists the trend toward phony modernized versions. That means not only staying true to the original language, but also using spare sets (elaborate sets didn’t come into play (pun not intended, but welcomed) until the Restoration) and keeping on the house lights (Renaissance theater had universal lighting). This second makes a big difference: universal lighting seriously diminishes the barrier between actors and audience (as does the fact that about eight audience members sit on the side of the stage). The head of the ASC explains his rationale here.

We enjoyed two plays at the ASC last week: Macbeth (Saturday night) and Ben Jonson’s Volpone (Sunday afternoon—what we literary types like to call a “matinee,” French for “cheaper tickets.”). Of course the plays were remarkable, and so was the acting. The same actors performed in both, which a) says a lot about the range of their acting ability, as they moved from dark tragedy to not-so-dark (“light” isn’t the right word) comedy; and b) made the experience even more personal for those who’d been there the night before. And the venue, Blackfriars Playhouse, is striking despite its simplicity. The virtual tour on this page gives you a good idea, but they’ve since adorned the balcony with a great marble façade. (We liked it, anyway; one of our uncouth companions preferred the more basic wood.)

Having said all that, we should say all this. If you make the trip to see Shakespeare in the Shenandoah, don’t expect to feel like you’ve traveled back into the Renaissance. For one thing, the ASC apparently does not have a large budget for costumes. During Macbeth, some characters wore approximations of ancient Scottish clothes, while others were dressed as gangsters. In Volpone, Sir Politic Would-be wore a bright yellow zoot suit that he might have stolen from Flavor Flav. But the effect of all this is more slap-dash or impressionistic than embarrassingly pretentious. Similarly, the actors play songs before the play and during intermissions, all of which were modern but appropriate to the plots. Before Macbeth they played “Leave Your Lights On” by Everlast & Santana. Never one of my favorites, but it worked. And again, they’d only do this before the play and during intermissions, so it was never distracting.

My only complaint about the ASC is that they sell bumper stickers that say something like, “The American Shakespeare Company does it with the lights on.” Those jokes were never especially funny, just like their cousins, the “Co-ed Naked” sports t-shirts from the nineties. But most of them at least make sense to the average observer. You don’t need to know a coal miner to understand the humor behind “coalminers do it in the dark.” But if you saw the ASC’s bumper sticker on a Prius or Jetta you’d have to ask the driver what it meant. The goateed young man or lip-pierced young woman would then go into a 15-minute rant about universal lighting, bastardized versions of Shakespeare (perhaps even using some lame term like “Fakespeare”), and remind you why you never hung out with the theater crowd in high school.

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